Story (1): High school relationships lack longevity
original: “High School relationships may be fun and exciting, but are they going to end in marriage?”
weakness: Leads aren’t really supposed to be questions, and thats exactly what this one is.
new lead: High school relationships are full of adventure and lust, but rarely every do they last until life after high school.
strengths: This new lead states the purpose of the aritcle without posing a question.
Story (2): From the Rack to the Boutique
original: “Have you searched all over the department stores for that perfect prom dress and still have not found anything that you like?”
weakness: Just like before, this lead brings up a question to the reader.
new lead: Nothing is more abnoxious than having to look over a whole department store of the “perfect” prom dress and coming up with nothing in the end.
strengths: This new lead rids the element of a question to the reader and it also gives you some sort of mentality of what it would be like to not succeed in a prom dress hunt.
Story (3): Academy Award nominees reach for the gold
original: “The Academy Awards ceremony is on Marh 7.”
weakness: This lead is pretty boring and although it might be considered simple and to the point, it doesn’t really foreshadow what the aritcle is going to be about. I wouldn’t even bother reading an article if I came upon a lead like that
new lead: The much-anticipated Acadmey Awards will take play on March 7, there’s no way any film-fan can miss out on a feature like this!
strenghts: This new lead compells the reader to not only read the article but watch the Academy Awards as well. A lead like this makes the Academy Awards feel approriate.
Story (4): ASB raises money for Haiti with shirt sales
Original: “ASB is selling T-shirts to aid Haiti after the Jan.12 earthquake.”
weakness: Lead is too dull and ordinary, needs a little zest and details.
new lead: ASB is selling some awesome T-shirts to reach out to Haiti, after it was devastated by a massive earthquake on jan. 12.
strengths: Detailed and a little more prominent. Persaudes the reader to buy the Haiti T-shirt.
